My Brief Love Affair With Android

I had a small love affair with an Android phone. It was a quick fling that lasted about 2 weeks. As much as I should be, I’m not ashamed of what I’ve done and have learned quite a bit from the experience.  The first thing I learned is that the iPhone has some SERIOUS competition on its hands. The next thing I learned is that the iPhone is still a better phone, especially for laymen.

I switched to the Samsung Galaxy S as part of my scheme to upgrade to an iPhone 4 practically for free. (I borrowed the Galaxy S, which allowed me to sell my 3GS for $200 dollars and use the proceeds to buy the iPhone 4) The first thing that impressed me about the phone was its beautiful screen. It’s bright, crisp and large. The phone was light in my hand and had all the little things the iPhone doesn’t. (Expandable storage larger screen e,and a removable battery)

I quickly fell in love with the Android notifications panel. It was so nice to have one place where applications can update me as to their status. I can see Twitter replies, new e-mails, new voicemails, text messages all in one neat little place. Plus the notification bar prevented me from being interrupted if I happened to be working on something. At the top of the phone, there was just a nice, gentle message letting me know there was new activity. It was like Growl for a phone. Awesome.

The phone’s call quality was good. My core set of applications happened to have Android versions as well, so I didn’t feel completely crippled by the switch. The contact syncing feature with Facebook and Google is absolutely amazing. Life was great….on the surface.

After day 3 however, I noticed the phone was really dragging. Everything seemed to take 3x as long on the Android phone. I timed some web surfing on the phone and was appalled at the response times I was getting. (Both over 3G and Wifi) Looking at the task manager, I noticed that there were a metric shit-ton of applications running, half of which I had never launched. After killing them, life returned to normal, for a bit.  Before long, applications would continuously spring back to life and consume more precious resources. What gives? After doing some research I discovered that the Android phone was actually a portable time machine, which would force its user back to 1997. Confused?  I’ll explain.

The Android platform is SO open, that it allows carriers to load up the phone image with tons of crap software, which was lovingly referred to as “crapware” in the past. Sound familiar? Well it should, because it’s exactly what PC manufacturers did back in the day. You could never just open up your brand new Gateway PC and start gaming without first re-formatting the hard drive to get rid of all the crapware. It was annoying on the PC and it is even more annoying on my cell phone. But I set out to give Android a test drive, not AT&Ts polluted version of it. So I did some research and figured out how to get a vanilla copy of Android that was  compatible with my phone, wipe the operating system and install a clean version of Android. Boy did it make a WORLD of difference.  Once I had a clean install of  Android, the phone was snappy and responsive. I was happy again, but then day 6 came.

When day 6 arrived I was doing all of my social media stuff on the phone. The CTA applications weren’t that good, but they were usable. I was ready for the next step, putting music on the phone. I had heard about Double Twist, an application that would provide an interface to my iTunes library that would work with Android. (Of course it only works with non-DRM music, but that’s not DT’s fault) The interface was nice, clearly inspired by iTunes, and user friendly. I plugged in my Galaxy S just to have nothing happen. I followed the instructions that DoubleTwist provided to the letter, but still no luck. I quickly guessed that this was a problem with the phone and not the Double Twist software. I phoned my friend who actually owned the phone and he said he had experienced the same problems. Through some research and tinkering I discovered that the phone needed to be in Development Mode in order for the disk to mount. (This is most likely a bug) Not only that, but when the phone is plugged into the computer in USB storage mode, you can’t access your music frmo the phone. This adds about 4 extra steps anytime I want to listen to music on my phone AND charge it via USB on my computer.

After all of that, I’ve finally got music on my phone. Playing it turned out to be the painful part. You take for granted what a great music player the iPhone actually is, until you have to go find a player. The android players are functional for the most part, but none of them have the polish that the iPhone has. The problems with these players could be an entire post by itself, but suffice it to say, all of the players were just “functional”.  While we’re on the subject of audio, the other problem with Android is its openness and therefore lack of a clear device controller in certain instances. What do I mean? Well, lets say for instance you accidentally launch two audio based applications. One doesn’t cancel the other out, you get both of them playing at the same time. Hearing Jay-Z drop hot rhymes over the Wrath of Khan soundtrack sounds like a good idea, but it really isn’t.

My last issue with the Android won’t be a problem for 95% of you according to market share figures. I’m a Mac user. When I’m on my iPhone, it feels like an extension of my desktop. I have a number of iPhone apps that are mobile versions of apps I use on my Macbook Pro. (Omnifocus, MindNode and Papers to name a few) The Mac/iPhone combination is powerful and unified. The Android device, while nice and pretty, didn’t fit neatly into my ecosystem. I had my Macbook/iPad and then my phone was off on an island. For many people this won’t be a problem, especially those of you who leverage a lot of cloud services. But I haven’t made completely bought into the cloud computing thing and I’m still a fan of my fat apps.

I ultimately have ended back on the iPhone, but that’s not to say that the Samsung Galaxy S (and Android in general) wasn’t a great device. It would probably do well by a great many people. Apple could learn a few things from Android. But the reality is, Android just doesn’t seem to have the polish that the iPhone has.  Every action I do seems to take two or three clicks too many. For example, in order for a text message to be marked as “READ”, I can’t just go into the conversation’s thread. I have to go into the thread and then click on the specific message I want marked as read. Annoying, but not a total deal breaker. It also requires too much “maintenance” in my opinion to keep the phone running in a decent manor.

My fear for Android is that less technically savvy consumers may have a bad experience with Android that is actually the fault of the carrier, who bloats the operating system beyond comprehension, or the fault of the handset manufacturer, who either implements poor design choices or ships an underpowered device. Android is a great platform, but my true love is for my iPhone. Call me a hater, call me a fanboy, but it just feels like home.

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Redefining Privacy for the Internet

I’m not sure when the modern interpretation of privacy began, but it has definitely gained momentum in this new age of social networking. Mainstream news, the blogosphere and the twitterverse are constantly buzzing with the latest egregious privacy violations by companies, most notably Facebook. Many people are up in arms about the way the company conducts their business, turning your personal information into the essential ingredients of a revenue stream. But the reality is that privacy is mostly a modern invention and because of that the essence of its definition is still in debate. But I posit that a person can’t really care about privacy and be a member of these social networks in the first place. It’s not the thought of our privacy being violated, but our lack of understand of what people will do with that information.

The Internet has become a soapbox for most people, yours truly included. We broadcast our information to a community of listeners who offer feedback and their own series of updates. It’s the core of social networking. But we go through great lengths to control who can see that information. Menus upon menus of security screens and so called “privacy” settings allow us to tweak who our message is delivered to. With those privacy controls in mind, we can lose our “social filters”, the things we wouldn’t normally say aloud in a crowded room. Our true thoughts about our boss, disappointment in our loved ones and the embarrassing tidbits about your bowel movements are all fair game, thanks to privacy settings. But privacy from whom?

The moment we submit our information to the ether, it is stored and cataloged in a database in an unknown location, in an unknown format, accessible to an unknown tribe of people. The “security” that we discuss applies only to people using the application. Database admins have access to our data. Systems Analyst have access to our data. We give complete strangers access to our private messages that contain some of our most intimate details of life. For a lot of people, those messages contain the real you, not the you that is projected to society. We do this with complete freedom because….? Because we’re not connected to those strangers in anyway. They exist the same way God exists for some of us, an invisible overseer who is watching but isn’t judgmental. You risk your private moments because you feel safe in the assumption that the overseer has no use for it. Therefore it makes sense to say that privacy, as is commonly defined, isn’t your concern. Let’s change the scenario.

Instead of the invisible overseer being a nameless, faceless entity, let’s give him or her an identity. A distant cousin of your significant other works at Facebook. They don’t talk often, so its not like they share a relationship or anything. But does your use of the application change? Of course it does. Sending a private message via Facebook about something you don’t want your partner to know is no longer a safe means of communication. Even if it’s something as innocuous as planning a surprise birthday party. It’s not that the person has the information, it’s more the concern of what they’re going to do with it. Are they going to tell your partner? Might they hold it over your head? Post it on their own wall? The possibilities are endless, but more importantly they’re out of your control. Someone now has power over you because of the information they hold about you. It’s not the fact that they have it, it’s the unknown of what they’ll do with it. You may think this example is unfair, because we know the person in question. So we’ll again change the scenario.

Facebook is an ad supported service (like everything else around us). They make their money serving targeted ads based on information you provide them. This arrangement is buried inside the terms of service, but most of us don’t have the time or the education to read and comprehend it. We click “I Agree” blindly and just make the assumption that nothing nefarious is going on. As long as the data stays inside Facebook, we’re OK because whatever happens should be visibly apparent in my user experience. But when word gets out that Facebook is selling that information, then suddenly we get up in arms. All faceless entities are not equal. But what does the common user of Facebook base their trust of the company on? For most people, just the volume of active users is enough of an endorsement as to their trustworthiness. Most users would be surprised to learn just how untrustworthy Facebook has been in the past. We have an inherited trust of the company from other people we know. I trust Bob, Bob trusts Facebook, so Facebook must be trustworthy. We trust that Facebook won’t do anything bad with the information we give them. But if Facebook is selling the information to company B, then we have an issue. We don’t have that inherited trust with company B and we have no idea what company B intends to do with that data. Again it’s a faceless entity though. Why would they have any more use for my cooking recipes than Facebook? Why do I care that company B knows I have an embarrassing love for The Real Housewives of New Jersey? It’s not the possession of the information that scares us, it’s the usage of it.

With that said, you’d think as a community of users we’d be more interested in terms of service documents. What exactly are we agreeing to when we use these social networks? For many it would probably help to assuage the fears of providing information, if we in fact knew exactly what it would be used for. You’ll tell a total stranger at an insurance office what your social security number is, but if your brother asked you you’d immediately ask why. The intent of the information is clear in the former, but not apparently clear in the latter. Privacy isn’t about giving the information out, it’s about knowing the intended use of it. This information is spelled out in almost every service offered. We simply need to start taking the time to read it.

What are you agreeing to in the Facebook terms of service? Twitter? Google? More importantly ask yourself, what are you agreeing to by not knowing?

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Joss Whedon and The Avengers

I’ll be honest. The news about Whedon possibly directing the Avengers movie makes me nervous. Joss Whedon is one of the best creative minds in the genre. He’s an acquired taste that I didn’t quite understand at first. But after some more exposure to him I was a converted to the church of Whedon.

Despite his enormous success among the geek community, he hasn’t really been a commercially viable director. His only experience as a movie director is Serenity, the big screen wrap up of the failed television series Firefly. The film was received well by fans as was the show, but the rest of the world didn’t really give a shit. Enjoyment from the fans is all we really care about right? Yes and no. Not to mention that the Avengers is a clearly different beast.

Joss Whedon does great with creating characters and breathing life into them. However, his writing and direction style is very distinct. Everything feels very Whedonesque. It’s entertaining and warm in its familiarity, but this is when you’re entering a world where you have no expectations of the characters.

Not only are the Avengers firmly in our mind from years of comics, but they’re also being re-enforced by films released in the last few years. Fan boys (like me) may not be interested in Whedon’s take on the characters, but more continuing the character’s persona from their previous origin films. I’m not sure if Whedon knows how to do this or not. The only chance he’s ever had was Alien: Resurrection, and we all remember how that turned out don’t we?

If anyone has the chops to surprise me, it’s Joss Whedon. I wait for the official word on his signing with trepidation. I’m not sure if it’s a win or a loss. I thought the same thing about Jon Favreau when he was selected to direct the Iron Man movies. And we all remember how that turned out don’t we?

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A Different Take on Hit Points

One of the biggest problems with combat in the Dungeons and Dragons game was the mental visualization of combat. Characters have an immense amount of hit points, which allows them to take large amounts of damage. In our mind’s eye, we tend to think of the combat as these large blows that are exchanged back and forth. But when attempting to add a sense of reality to the game, we know these visions can’t possibly make sense.

How can a fighter take a battle axe to the face for 22 points of damage and stay fighting, but then suddenly collapses when the bard hits him with a dagger for 2 points of damage. It’s really all about timing, but makes for a difficult time describing the action. Since the launch of 3rd edition, the gaming community has been pretty vocal in expressing the viewpoint of combat being a series of faints and jabs, with a killing blow being a one-time occasion. This line of thought works well until someone scores a critical hit. The idea of a critical hit is that massive amounts of damage have just been inflicted, but describing it as a “glancing blow” takes some of the excitement out of the ever elusive “nat 20″.

Part of this is our long standing thought around “hit points”. It even has the word “hit” in it, which gives us an image of blasting through someone’s defenses and smashing them in the mouth for damage. THe introduction of 4th edition further muddied the waters by introducing the “Bloodied” status, which means you’re at half your maximum hit points. In reality you’re not really “bloodied” though are you? Going on WotC’s description of combat being a series of faints and blows, wouldn’t it be more accurate to simply rename hit points to something like “defense points”. I know it’s a simple change but the power of the mind’s preconceptions on something can have a huge impact in the way people envision it.

Imagine now that these “defense points” describe’s someone’s remaining strength to defend against attacks. Hard blows are even harder to parry. As you joust back and forth your opponents defenses weaken. Each character could have a small number of true hit points, lets say no more than 10 or 15. These points represent those true fatal blows that make contact with the enemy. That way people know when an opponent is truly getting near the end. The back and forth of the combat now has ore context.

The rule system could be very easy to implement as well. You simply subtract 10 or 15 from each player’s total hit points. The new number becomes your “defense points” while the 10 or 15 you subtracted becomes your new hit point value. For the sake of our mind we can rename “Bloodied” to “Exhausted”. I know these seem like minor changes, but when you’re playing a fantasy game, how your mind perceives and interprets things is of the upmost important. How many times have you been in a D&D game when someone lays a really awesome critical hit down, but then is bummed that no additional effects were incurred or that the target didn’t reel back in total agony?

That’s because your players have a specific vision of what a “hit” against “hit points” looks like. Changing the terminology might be an easy fix to making the visualization of combat easier.

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Untouchable and Retouchable Films

As I get older each year, I tend to think about my life more in milestones and just how long ago they occurred. I’m not talking about the kind of milestones that go on the end of a resume, but the kind that nerds get together and reminisce about. Examples are:

• My first comic book
• The launch of Star Trek: The Next Generation
• Old video game systems, like the Atari 2600

and the list could go on and on. The years stack up, but you don’t realize just how long it’s been. For example, do you realize that The Next Generation launched 23 years ago? A show that I still watch this very day is almost a quarter of a century old! I know people younger than that. The only thing that makes you feel older is when your own personal favorite movies start getting remade. It wasn’t until the Overboard remake was announced that I started seriously panicking about the sanctity of my personal classics.

As a response, I’ve compiled a list of films I never want to see remade. My reasons vary, but none of them provide any type of revenue, which means they’ll be nothing more than another blogger with a irrational wish list. But a boy can dream.

1. The Star Wars films

These films are classics. Part of their magic was the boldness of their creator in his attempt to create a type of movie that hadn’t quite been pulled off. The effects amazed us and as children all of the ideas seemed so incredibly fresh and original. The character Yoda held a special place in our hearts. But as Lucas has shown us with the prequels, today’s type of story telling will not be able to recreate the magic and keep hollywood executive types happy.

2. The Goonies

What can you say about this one? The allure of children adventure films seems to be fading away behind a wall of green screens and 3-D animation. In today’s world, the only way a Goonies movie could be successful is if the kids went looking for One Eyed Willies Treasure online in some MMORPG.

3. Any of the John Hughes Films

The 80′s are over. These movies aren’t the same without the feel of the 80′s and no era in the future will be able to produce the level of greed, wealth and bad haircuts like the 80′s did

4. The Usual Suspects

This is an irrational choice, but it’s one of my favorite films. To me it was executed beautifully and I don’t see what a remake could possibly add to the story. It’s also timeless in a way, which helps it age gracefully. Kind of like Polanski’s Chinatown.

5. A Christmas Story

I had not seen this film until about 5 months ago and it still holds all of the charm and glow that it has been praised with for as long as I can remember. Again, there’s something about that time period that gives a sense of innocence to the characters and the film. If a child in today’s world wanted a bb gun for Christmas, we’d probably put him on a watch list.

While these are my top 5, my friend Nic had a few additions.

Nic’s Picks

1. Ferris Buellers Day Off

It was an innocent tale from an innocent time. Who didn’t want to be Ferris when they got to high school? Who didn’t dream of taking their girlfriend and their best friend on a crazy adventure through downtown Chicago some fine spring day and know that everything would work out just peachy? Who thinks kids these days still think like that?

2. RoadHouse

Patrick Swayze was made for this role. “You don’t look like much” is the over arching theme, but nowadays, it’s been played out. Zen masters with shaggy hair are a dime a dozen.

3. Top Gun

Top Gun worked because we weren’t fighting a war and because it didn’t talk about war. The country is too weary from war right now to enjoy it as the airborne dick measuring contest it was meant to be

4. Young Guns

First, there’s nothing to be gained. There’s no better way to retell the story, and there are no special effects to improve on. Secondly, I think it had the greatest ensemble cast since St. Elmo’s Fire, and I don’t think the Hollywood of today could replace that. I’m almost afraid of what they would come up with to try it.

5. Commando

John Cena has the market cornered already.

Now we don’t want to deprive Hollywood of all their fun, so we also came up with a list of films that could benefit from a Hollywood re-treatment.

• Mannequin

Not sure who the female lead could be, but this was a role made for Michael Cera.

• Short Circuit

Because who doesn’t love robots? If we can get Kal Penn out of retirement we’re straight.

• The Last Starfighter

The advances in computer graphics would help this film out big time. Plus it’s been awhile since we’ve had a Top Gun in space

• Cobra

The return of the badass action hero is badly needed.

• Mad Max

Another piece of work that could benefit from technology.

• Lethal Weapon

We need the return of the buddy cop film too. Where’d they all go?

• Big Trouble in Little China

Another genre that disappear, good ole action adventure. Not a lot of fantastical stories these days. Or there wrapped up in so much wire kung-fu they’re hard to recognize.

• Running Man

Not only will this version have a better budget, but it could also usher in the return of the super jacked action star. The Rock anyone? He needs to go back to the gym though.

• War Games

The premise of this film is becoming increasingly relevant. If you throw in some overtures on the implications and future of privacy, you’ve got what could almost be considered a docudrama.

• The Gate

Obscure enough where most people won’t even realize it’s a remake. Good premise, just could benefit from better execution this time around

This is the Internet, so chances are something on this list (or not on the list) has pissed you off. Sound off on me. I’m curious to hear what gems we missed.

Posted in Movies/Television | View Comments

Chris Evans, Our New Captain America

I’ve been a bit dormant as of late thanks to my recent nuptials. After our wedding ceremony and our great honeymoon I was pleased to come home and learn that our beloved Marvel superhero Captain America had been cast. Of course I was expecting the casting to be something sensible, but I guess I was asking too much from the boys and girls at Marvel Studios.

Before I get started, I want to point a few things out. Chris Evans is not a bad actor by any means. In fact I think this kid has a bit of depth and range that has yet to be explored. Some of this talent became evident to me when I watched Sunshine. (Arguably one of my favorite films) It showed me that the guy can adapt to the role and doesn’t always have to play the comedic, snarky roles that he’s typically been cast in. Chris, my issue is not with you.

Originally, Marvel Studios stated that they wanted an unknown to play Captain America, which I can understand and respect. Unless you have the perfect casting, it’s sometimes difficult for people to get their mind wrapped around a big name star donning the mantle of one of their beloved heroes.

But somewhere down the line Marvel reversed this position and not only started considering name actors like Channing Tatum and John Krasinski, but wound up casting someone who had already starred in a Marvel movie!

How did we get here? Even though the Fantastic Four films were not received well by a large portion of the viewing audience, it wasn’t that long ago that Chris Evans was on fire, saving NYC from the nefarious schemes of Doctor Doom. I actually enjoyed the films for their tongue and cheek humor, but regardless of your opinion I think we can agree that Chris Evans played a pretty damn good Human Torch. But that doesn’t guarantee him success with Captain America. My top 3 reasons are:

1. He’s Young

That may sound silly, but think about it. Captain America is a leader of men. Not just men, but super powered men. He’s the KING alpha dog. It will take an incredible amount of script writing for me to believe that this young lad can earn the respect of the folks around him. That’s more a task for the writers than for Evans. If the script is there, he’ll deliver the goods.

2. The Avengers Movie

We’re not just signing on for the Captain America movies. We’re also signing on for an Avengers film. This kind of ties into my first point. The Avengers will be composed of Robert Downey Jr, Edward Norton, Samuel L. Jackson, Chris Hemsworth as Thor and a few yet to be cast folks. Aside from Hemsworth, all of these actors are considerably older than Evans. Will we be able to buy that this guy is leading such a remarkable band of individuals?

3. Captain America is Blond

It sounds nit-picky and stupid but here me out. In my mind, Captain America being blond haired and blue eyed is a major piece of the character. Think about the time frame when Captain America was active. It was during World War II and Captain America was a spitting image of what Hitler was trying to achieve, the perfect Aryan. This isn’t mere window dressing for the character, but is really a piece of the characters history. If rumors are true and the Cap film will be done as a period piece, his heritage has even more weight to it. Let’s hope a little hair dye will keep Chris’s charm intact.

No amount of complaining will change the decisions made. It also won’t alter the fact that I’m going to see this movie the day it’s released. I just hope that the script is given a top notch treatment, which will allow Evans to really shine. I’d hate to see another super hero franchise go down in flames (bad pun) with Evans at the helm. If it does tank, I’d be very surprised if Evans is at fault.

If they had gotten the ball rolling a little bit earlier, you’ll see my picks for Captain America below. If Bruce Willis can still do Die Hard films, these guys should have been given a call.

Howie Long
Neal McDonough
Mark Valley

Posted in Comic Books, Movies/Television | View Comments

Another Google Buzz Review

I told myself that I wouldn’t write a blog post about Google Buzz until I had time to play with it and let the dust settle from the frenzy of reviews during its launch week. It’s been a few weeks now and I have used Buzz almost daily, but so far it’s been a bit disappointing. Some of that blame belongs to Google and some of it is just the will of the Social Media Gods.

There were a couple of reasons that Buzz looked attractive to me and why I thought it might do some good. Its integration with Gmail allowed people to use it without having to go to another destination. As with a lot of great, but failed services, driving traffic and getting adoption early on is an important factor. It’s never about functionality or slickness. There were tons of better options to micro-blogging than Twitter. But Twitter won, simply because that’s where everyone is at. The old MySpace holdouts know what I’m talking about. Even if you prefered MySpace (honestly why would you though), your friends abandoned ship and starting flying the Facebook banner. Your move was just a matter of time. The beauty of Buzz was that it was already in your mailbox. You can’t help put click on an icon that says you have new messages. It’s a calling most of us can’t ignore.

My second reason was based on the first. I felt that more people would use it simply because it was already there. No need to sign up for anything new or go to a different site. My hope was that this would prompt people who I don’t actively use Twitter to get in on the conversation and share information they come across.

Well largely, these two things haven’t developed the way I hoped. Between Google fumbling on the privacy issue and the slow adoption rate by new users, my stream has become yet another source of the same data I’m getting on Twitter. Mind you, I don’t mean the same type of data, I mean the exact same data. (Their feed is linked basically)

The second reason is also a flaw. People who don’t use GMAIL can’t play. The school of thought sometimes is “Well why not just sign up for GMAIL”. If I was perfectly happy with my email provider, Buzz doesn’t offer much that would warrant such a big change for me. Maybe if it also made my coffee and pressed my pants, but unfortunately no dice there, so I can understand people’s reluctance to switch.

Will Buzz get better? Probably from a technology standpoint, but it’s very difficult to reclaim the trust of the web. The Internet is a 24×7 word of mouth factory. It’s a virtual water cooler where rumors, opinions and viewpoints spread quicker than the plague. If you don’t make a positive splash on launch your product may never the negative press. (See Windows Vista) Google has been dragged through the mud on privacy and on a lack of compelling features to leave Twitter. Creating a Buzz destination site could be helpful for those that don’t want to make the switch, but the GMAIL integration is a must and should remain intact.

I’m not turning off Buzz just yet, but the buzz is slowly fading into silence.

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Memories of Super Mario Bros.

We tend to look down on people who make excessive amounts of money. Our reasons vary, but it usually boils down to the jaded belief that runaway success can’t come without selling a piece of your soul or taking some big risks. Wall Street has illustrated this point to us clearly during their fiscal mismanagement which has left some of you available during the weekday to read this post. But none of us should be surprised by the brash behavior of an elite few. Most of us spent years playing Mario Brothers, and that’s really the only life lesson we need.

Super Mario Brothers has always been an incredibly accurate barometer for greed. People of all ages have spent a disheartening amount of time going after that last big coin in the upper right portion of the screen. Don’t act all indignant about it now, because you know exactly what the hell I’m talking about. How many lives did you waste, trying to climb some fucking beanstalk, just so you could recover that last coin. Did you need that coin? Not at all! You already had 98 coins, two more and you get another life. But you’ve already got 47 lives and you’ll NEVER burn through them all.

So why take the risk? Is it for the high? Or just the satisfaction of knowing you could do it. It’s a challenge, dangled in front of your face. That prick Yoshi was just egging you on, telling you how HE could have gotten it if he really wanted to. Your next door neighbor is bragging about how his high score has gotten to the point where it’s flipping back to zeros because 8 sorry ass bits weren’t enough to accurately track his awesome. Challenges, by their nature, are made to be answered.

I don’t know about you, but there was no room for “safety” in my Mario Bros game play. Go big or go home, those were the only rules to live by. I didn’t have time for things like “risk analysis”. I saw some shit and I went after it, that’s how the fat stay fat with coins and mushrooms. Whatever your reasons were, I’m not hear to judge you. I was right there with you, struggling for that last piece of digital gold. I’m just saying that even at a young age, characters like Sonic and Mario are feeding into our desire to want more, no matter the cost.

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‘LOST’ is a Metaphor for Your Job — Part 1

As I was watching yet another uninformative episode of LOST, I began to think how much this show mirrored real life.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized that LOST was really just a metaphor for office life. Take the LOST story and put it in an office setting and see what you get.

A young man loses his job for some reason. At this point it’s not really important, but past is prologue and it will eventually be woven into our story.  He leaves his job (Australia) in search for a new job that will offer him a new beginning. (LAX) Along the way however, the economy crashes into the shitter (Oceanic Flight 815) and he ends up at a company that was never on his career road map. (The Island)

This company has some seriously odd shit going on. There are other business unit managers there (survivors of Oceanic 815) who seem to have a mix-bag of history and personal problems.  Ultimately most of the management team is trying to get out of the company, but some have reasons for wanting to stay.

There’s the slightly retarded manager of PR, who in any other company would be considered incapable of performing most of the tasks required of him. But because of the “uniqueness” of this company he manages to look like a super star. He knows there’s something about the company that gives him a stronger sense of purpose that he wouldn’t have in the real world. He tries his best to show everyone the light. (Locke)

Then there’s the manager of sales. He’s a mysterious fellow that tries to keep to himself. He’s sort of a lone wolf and looks at the rest of the management team simply as tools to get what he needs done. What the rest of the management team doesn’t know, is that half of his resume is bullshit. Not only is his MBA from a mail order facility in Tuskegee Ohio, but most of his work history references were calls to his high school football teammates. This guy is a bucket of lies and daddy issues.  (Sawyer)

The cute little number who manages the call center is another shifty one you have to keep your eyes out for. She bats her eyelashes and makes you think that you can save her from herself.  Underneath her cute exterior and her bright smile is a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. She’s constantly on edge and sometimes her behavior seems completely erratic. She’s stuck at the company because she’s got 2 felonies that she didn’t disclose on her application.  Thankfully the company doesn’t do background checks. Her next company might not be so accommodating. She’s better off here.  (Kate)

No team is successful without a leader. As the group begins to gel a leader is selected. The Operations Manager (Jack) assumes the unwanted role.  Despite his own ambitions, he knows that the team working together is far better than if the team works alone. As our new hire learns about the dynamics of his teammates he quickly realizes that getting out of the company is a long term goal. The short term goal is generating revenue to keep the company functioning long enough to make the great escape. (a.k.a Surviving on the island) The management team and their subordinates (those other 32 people on the island that tend to change season to season) begin to work together to keep the company solvent. But as they begin to explore their options on what the company has to offer, they run into one of the most dreaded and feared things anyone has ever seen. Office politics. (The smoke monster)

Nobody knows the source of office politics or who controls it. It comes and goes at will, sometimes laying waste to projects or even careers. Whenever the management team sees it showing its ugly head, panic ensues. Everyone runs for cover and if someone falls and is claimed by office politics, it’s generally accepted that there was nothing you could do to save them without throwing away your own career.
As the team tries to find a source for the politics, they stumble upon an unusual group. A group of men and women who seem to have been at the company long before they arrived and knows quite a bit about its inner workings. They’re even aware of the “Office Politics”.  This group is referred to as “Information Technology” or “IT”.  (The Others)

IT is a strange group. They have a single leader that interacts with the management team. He refers to himself as the “Business Liaison”. (Benjamin Linus) The business liaison treats the management team as if they’re children, fearing that too much information might make their heads explode. Instead he talks to them in cryptic phrases and sentences, giving them just enough information to trust him, but not enough to truly make any type of informed decision.  He thrives on having more information than the people he interacts with, pushing them to an end goal that only he can see. While IT says it’s on the side of the business (the survivors), often times their actions seem self-serving and not in the best interest of the management team.

The arrival of the business liaison complicates things for the management team. Now someone else is stepping up to lead them. While some are happy to let the Operations Manager continue to lead, others are pissed off because he fucked up that TPS Report project and Bill from accounting ended up getting fired because of it. (See Jack’s long list of leadership failures)  Internal bickering ensues amongst the management team. Some managers decide to rely heavily on the business liaison for guidance, while others continue to follow the Operations Manager. The split causes conflict amongst people who were friends, but have now been driven apart by their decisions. While they’re friendly when they run into each other in the cafeteria (the Jungle), they still return to their respective camps.

The internal structure of IT is complex.There are many parts to the organization that the management team has seen passing references to.  Database support (The Swan), Web Support (The Looking Glass) and Change Management (The Hydra) just to name a few.  The business liaison knows a lot about the groups, but will only answer your specific questions about them in vague, ass-hat type responses.  Obviously your look of confusion is the only way this guy can sustain an erection. Instead of pressing on and grossing yourself out, you let it slide.

In Part 2 we’ll discuss how people manage to leave the company but then feel compelled to return. We’ll also dive into how the Business Liaison is really just a puppet for the CIO.  (Jacob)

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The Power of Due Dates

Most of us are experts at getting our to-dos out of our minds and into whatever task management system we use. Everything from GTD to plain old sticky notes gives you a sense of empowerment once your world is on some sort of manageable system.

But what happens as the to-dos don’t move from to-do to to-done? Your list becomes crowded, unmanageable and before long you’ve abandoned your system and life has descended back into chaos. This is where the power of the due date comes in.

Now lets review what a due-date is. Most people think it’s self-explanatory;

A date when something must be complete by.

But not all tasks have external forces pushing you towards a completion date. If you need to clean the fridge, the world will not explode if it’s not done by Friday. So items like this get pushed farther and farther down the list of priorities. But what if we play a mental game with ourselves and change the word must to should. So now the definition reads.

A date when something should be complete by

Now we can play all types of mental games. A week is more than a reasonable amount of time to get off your duff and clean the fridge. Do you have plans this week? Fine, make it for the week after next, but just make sure you assign a reasonable date to it. Lets put extra emphasis on reasonable, because a date that can’t be hit becomes even more of a distraction.

We’ve got a due date on our tasks, now what? Psychology does the rest. If you’re the type of person that keeps to-dos, then chances are you’re also the type of person that derives satisfaction from checking things off the list and experiences sadness or remorse when they stay on the list. The key is to make sure that your to-do system has someway to alert you when you have a task with a due date approaching or when a task is overdue. This signal is almost like the two-minute warning in football. It signals the brain that you’re behind and you’ve got shit to do! It motivates you in a way that can’t be explained without a PH.D.

We are a weird people psychologically, but we can use this insanity to our advantage. After reading this, go through your to-dos and start assigning realistic due dates to everything you want to move off the list.

There’s a special high that comes with checking off an item off your list. Use this post to stay high all day and all night.

p.s.

Just to drive the point home, this post has been on my to-do list for a week. As soon as Omnifocus told me the task was overdue, I felt like I had to have it complete by the time I head to bed tonight. So I’m sitting in Third Coast Comics, making sure I can check this off my list tonight.

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